Selfish Bitch

So, I talked to my best friend and I ended up “walking out” of the conversation again.

When I checked to see her updates from another social networking site, I knew that she wasn’t in good terms with her other best friend too (also a girl and frequently teased to be freakishly similar to me which I DO NOT LIKE). I know that this sounds very selfish and immature but I don’t like the thought of having to share my best friend with another one. The idea of having a person who is very similar to you and is, like, taking your unique thumbprint away, just makes me go psycho, more psycho than I actually am. She doesn’t know all of these because I have a feel like it’s just going to destroy everything. We were having a tough time communicating because I refused to expound on things when she asked to. I don’t know what is up with me and telling people what I actually feel. I’m just afraid to be judged. That’s it. Always have and always will be.

After I walked out on the conversation, she talked to me in another social networking site to tell me she had to tell me something and I that I didn’t need to reply. She showed me a picture of her new hairstyle. She went from a long curly pony tail to a long and straight carefree ‘do with side bangs. I knew I should’ve been happy for her but I also knew that I wasn’t one of the first ones to know…and I hated that. I was always telling her to straighten her hair, and even put bangs on them but she wouldn’t budge. I didn’t like it because I felt like I wasn’t part of her life anymore. I know it’s such a petty thing to be upset about and end a friendship on but what can I do if that’s how I feel? Am I suppose to force my feelings to be all good and understanding even if I feel the exact opposite? What I hated most though, was the way I responded to her when I saw the photo. I congratulated her in a sarcastic way when I knew that it was a big risk for her to do that.

Right now, I’m thinking of ending our friendship because it bothers me a lot when we’re not in good terms and it happens a lot. I don’t think I will be the best friend she needs in the future, especially when in a few months we’ll be heading to college, maybe in separate ways. I think she deserves more. A more understanding and mature friend who reciprocates what she gives because she’s the best, best friend anyone could have and I know in my heart that anyone would be so blessed to have her as a part of their life.

Sunday Mornings – Mornings – Instant Happy Pills

It’s a sunny Sunday!!!

I feel great because I feel blessed.

But yesterday, oh yeah, yesterday was the total opposite.

I was so mad at my best friend and she was asking me what she did wrong which fueled my anger all the more so I decided not to talk to her for the meantime.

Enough about that first, I’d rather talk about how wonderful this Sunday morning was.

I slept last night but I set the alarm so I would be able to wake up for a morning jog since I’ve been munching non-stop on just about every food I can get my hands on! Hahaha! What a pig, right?! Hahahaha! Anyway, I woke up on time and had a really nice jog. I wasn’t able to see anyone familiar though. After the jog, I went home expecting to be welcomed by mother and father having coffee and being happy that I tried to actually be concerned with my health by exercising but no, they weren’t there. Right then and there, I realized that I half  consciously do the things I do just to make my parents happy and the other half would be, of course, for my own sake. (Just about the most common thing a middle child would do.)

So, instead of seeing them both, I only saw my mother just waking up, asking me what I wanted for breakfast. I told her I wanted fruits, specifically Watermelons! Oh my gosh, how I was about to drool while just saying that and good thing mother agreed ’cause she was going to buy newspapers anyway. 

While we were entering the market, we were easily distracted by the Ukay-Ukay! I, being a fan of ukay, quickly got hooked and scanned through all the clothes, good thing mother was also quick to tell me to go back later after buying the fruits. The area where the fruits were placed wasn’t very far, just a short walk but while we were walking, memories began to flood my mind. When I was younger, for most Saturdays, I would wake up around 5 in the morning to go with my father to the wet market. I don’t consider myself a daddy’s girl because I’m pretty close with my mother as well but I just felt that my father would be happier if I went with him. I also felt that he was proud whenever I could wake up early and go with him. I’ve always loved mornings and I think doing these things might have deepen my appreciation for them. I can’t decipher what about mornings make me so happy. The glorious glow of sunrise? The fresh calm breeze that sways the trees and grasses? The beaming faces of the people I meet? The mood of innocence? The feeling of being productive early in the morning? The hope of having a fantastic day ahead? Or maybe it’s really when all of these elements come together that make it such an irresistible reason to smile. Whatever the reason is, I’m just very grateful to have become a person who is happily magnetted by the lovely charm of mornings.  

Noob

Ola!

New kid on the blogosphere here! I have always liked the idea of having a personal blog. You know the sort, to vent out, to practice my writing and spot grammatical lapses along the way. Hahahaha! That sounded funny but that was actually true. If you might ask why I never pursued the idea of having a blog, the reason is very simple: crazy busy high school senior schedule. Yes, I am one of them, so if you’re expecting stories about wild high school parties, drugs, sex and everything self proclaimed “bad asses” do nowadays…see you in about a gazillion years because this is blog (as I envision it) is going to be very feminine and insightful. So, if you find it boring then you can find other blogs that will fuel your adrenaline oriented mind. Okay, that sounded a little mean but  I’m not going to take that back because I promised myself to be a hundred percent REAL in this blog.

Everything clear?! 

Oh! And one more thing! I’d like to be anonymous so don’t even try asking who I am.