So, I talked to my best friend and I ended up “walking out” of the conversation again.
When I checked to see her updates from another social networking site, I knew that she wasn’t in good terms with her other best friend too (also a girl and frequently teased to be freakishly similar to me which I DO NOT LIKE). I know that this sounds very selfish and immature but I don’t like the thought of having to share my best friend with another one. The idea of having a person who is very similar to you and is, like, taking your unique thumbprint away, just makes me go psycho, more psycho than I actually am. She doesn’t know all of these because I have a feel like it’s just going to destroy everything. We were having a tough time communicating because I refused to expound on things when she asked to. I don’t know what is up with me and telling people what I actually feel. I’m just afraid to be judged. That’s it. Always have and always will be.
After I walked out on the conversation, she talked to me in another social networking site to tell me she had to tell me something and I that I didn’t need to reply. She showed me a picture of her new hairstyle. She went from a long curly pony tail to a long and straight carefree ‘do with side bangs. I knew I should’ve been happy for her but I also knew that I wasn’t one of the first ones to know…and I hated that. I was always telling her to straighten her hair, and even put bangs on them but she wouldn’t budge. I didn’t like it because I felt like I wasn’t part of her life anymore. I know it’s such a petty thing to be upset about and end a friendship on but what can I do if that’s how I feel? Am I suppose to force my feelings to be all good and understanding even if I feel the exact opposite? What I hated most though, was the way I responded to her when I saw the photo. I congratulated her in a sarcastic way when I knew that it was a big risk for her to do that.
Right now, I’m thinking of ending our friendship because it bothers me a lot when we’re not in good terms and it happens a lot. I don’t think I will be the best friend she needs in the future, especially when in a few months we’ll be heading to college, maybe in separate ways. I think she deserves more. A more understanding and mature friend who reciprocates what she gives because she’s the best, best friend anyone could have and I know in my heart that anyone would be so blessed to have her as a part of their life.